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Wednesday, February 20, 2013

words that need to disappear.





I am notorious for my abbreviations--never in a text or an email, so much... the grammar-queen-meets-journalism-student in me springs to attention here--but in conversation, especially... I am embarrassingly guilty of this. Anyone I meet for at least a third time? Guaranteed to earn their very own, tailored nickname from me. Catchy, little phrases and lingo just happen to be woven into my speech patterns. It's what I do.

That being said, there are a few choice selections that just need to die. And rather immediately. Being inundated with tweets and status messages on an hourly basis that contain these lovely made-up words has  led me to occasionally just run away from the internet, all for the sake of preserving my sanity. And yes, I realize I might alienate roughly 83% of y'all, because these are just all too prevalent.

Without further delay:

  • adding -balls or -sauce onto an adjective... see: "lamesauce" or "amazeballs" (note: "amaze" as an alternative to "amazing" is allowable. leave the sauce and balls out of it). CRINGE. Thanks, Giuliana, for keeping this one active. Please wave goodbye to this heinous descriptor, or I might lose my damn mind.


  • "I can't handle the cuteness!"...as in response to a toddler cradling his infant baby sister, both in matching monogrammed, smocked whatever..."I can't handle the cuteness!"  ... I'm looking at you, mommy bloggers. What does this even mean? If you can't handle something, shouldn't you walk away? Just close that little browser window. I realize "adorable!" and "how sweet!" are so painfully, commonly used, however, claiming that you can't tolerate, absorb, endure something that is pleasant just strikes a bizarre chord within my overly analytical mind. Also, "OMG, STOP" walks a fine line... as in " STOP POSTING SUCH ADORABLE PICTURES, I CAN'T TAKE IT." You don't really want the respective poster to resist exhibiting 23 aforementioned shots of their marshmallowy infant and/or puppy, so why say it? Although, I've been guilty of the "STOP" situation, so I'll cut you some slack here.


  • "hubs" ...as in: "The hubs is stopping to grab a bottle of that chardonnay on his commute home." Loooooathe. I don't even want to get into the functionality of this word--but I will. Can we pause for a minute and just cogitate what this is shortening?? "HUS-BAND." not "HUB-SAND." And using it to shorten "hubby" from "husband" is even more ridiculous. I'm all for having a sweet, little moniker for the man in your life, but I hear "hubs" and I see nerds huddled around a computer portal. Or an image of staggered 737s at an airport terminal. Where did this even begin? And more importantly WHY? Just say no.




So there you have it. Grammar police attack over. What are the phrases that send your eyes rolling??



5 comments:

  1. "Totes". Totes totally needs to fucking grow it's ALLY back and resume being TOTALLY. Totes are bags you bring to the beach full of towels and sunscreen and adult beverages.

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  2. I am 100% with you on sauce/ balls conjunction."Adorbs" & "gorg" are like nails on a chalkboard to me.

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    Replies
    1. hahahaha! yes! I am definitely guilty of "adorbs." Not a fan of "gorg" at all... I also say "the us-" as in, "usual." I'm sure some people would murder me over that one.

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  3. One thousand percent agree with the hubs phenomenon! I have a husband. End of story. Gah!

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