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Tuesday, January 27, 2015


http://www.sheknows.com/entertainment/articles/1070845/the-bachelor-recap-season-19-episode-4

Week four?...Already?! The magic continues!

  • Harrison's red watch is obnoxious.
  • Ohhh man, get the sisters and mom in there. BIG GUNS, ABC.
  • So many pretty girls. I think this season is one of the best in terms of prettiness.
  • Oh, Mackenzie... forgot you're still with us.
  • Ha, Kelsey. That was funny. You're in the clear, with your au naturel bit.
  • Hey, Chris, "fun adventure" is a relative term.
  • Kelsey--1955 called and wants its head scarf back.
  • Oh... it's a neck scarf. Neat.
  • Kardashleyian--that unbuttoned, gaping cut-off look is good on NO ONE. Not even your skinny little self.
  • Ditto to the American flag bikini. 
  • Oh... you're taking it off. Hmmmkay.
  • Kaitlyn--pretty bikini! I dig it.
  • Kelsey is coming off kinda whiny, but everything she is saying is so spot-on. Can't imagine having to frolic among half a dozen or so other chicks, some of whom are fine with stripping down at the drop of a hat.
  • Gah, how nerve-wracking to have to entertain all of the female Soules.
  • Jillian is walking oddly. Weird saunter due to too many squats by the pool.
  • His sisters are kind of adorable.
  • Whitney looks cute... but come ON... the annoying part is that the whine of it cuts in and out. So surely she's somewhat of aware of it. You countrify "Kentucky" but class it up for "Chicago?" No.
  • I think it's good of the sisters to really hit home about living in Iowa. Like... IOWA.
  • RED ROVER!!!!
  • Oh, Kelsey, suck it up. I'm liking you less and less.
  • HAHAHA, karma, little one.
  • Oh man, I want to go camping!
  • Ha--all these dumb girls setting up a tent. I definitely would win this one.
  • (...although maybe not in a swimsuit. Not awesome).
  • I'm also liking Carly more and more... despite the brow sitch.
  • Awww, yay, Jade!
  • And cue all the forced smiles!!
  • Rose in the ice chest... hahahaha. Well done, ABC.
  • I feel like Kaitlyn will make top 4. They have a solid chemistry.
  • I like that they're having a chat about how  to relate to each other. Seems genuine.
  • Kelsey looks painfully uncomfortable.
  • Well, doesn't Juelia look really pretty  with that campfire glow.
  • Kelsey's laugh is grating... definitely seems fake. Odd that I'm saying this right as Kardashleyian is, but I dare say that Kardashleyian is a bit more genuine than Kelsey has been. Despite her lash extensions and hair extensions and pageant makeup and whatnot.
  • Oh my gosh... here we go with Crazy.
  • SHUTUP about the damn aliens, Mac.
  • "Ashley S. is entertaining. But like, possessed, crazy and scary at the same time." Spot on, Kaitlin.
  • She is so insanely crazy. He is scared out of his mind.
  • ...and she's interrupting him with these awkward kisses.
  • He is LOSING his mind. Oh my goodness.
  • I feel so unbelievably uncomfortable.
  • She tells him he doesn't have to say anything... hahahahahaha.
  • I really dig his plaid shirt + vest look.
  • I didn't realize Kardashleyian was a "freelance journalist." That's basically code for "unemployed."
  • Ewwww... nasally make-out.
  • I bet Kaitlyn gets the rose.
  • YAHTZEE.
  • Where'd ABC find that little coyote to usher across the campsite?
  • Hahahaha, he has no idea what she's saying.
  • "He can probe at that area if he wants, later on." Ohhhh, girl.
  • Britt is always hanging on someone. Odd.
  • Okay: the fairytale scenario is pretty amazing.
  • "Ashley I. is going to cry." LOLOLOL.
  • Ooooh, I'm loving that blue ikat dress.
  • GLASS SLIPPERS. 
  • Okay, so even if Jade doesn't get picked, she gets to go home with princess slippers and tons of ice. How amazing.
  • Neil Lane was probably overwhelmed with all of the diamonds he's had returned from past Bachelorettes and had to figure out what to do with 'em... "ehh, make some earrings and give em to one of the other girls."
  • She really does look like a princess.
  • It's cool that he doesn't know who it is.
  • Man looks good in a tux.
  • Awww, he looks genuinely happy to see her.
  • She needs more color on her face.
  • They're not super chatty. Forced conversation.
  • CORN AND CHAMPS.
  • Kardashleyian's dress is gorgeous.
  • They can't converse for anything, but the dancing scene is sweet.
  • ABC is pushing the whole Cinderella thing a little too much, no?
  • It's MIDNIGHT, GIRL.
  •  They're boxes. No need to squeal.
  • Ugh. Weird, forced toast in the limo.
  • Ha, Jillian is upset because her ass isn't hanging out.
  • LOL--Britt is always the first to race up to him for a hug.
  • Becca looks amazing!
  • Hahahaha, and just like that, Jillian is all about it again.
  • Yayyy, M.S. Society. I like that.
  • "Is her muscle bigger than Chris's muscle??" HAHAHAHAHA. Bless you, Carly.
  • Britt manages to look amazing even when she's vomming.
  • Ugh. This feels awkward.
  • Yeahhhh, he's not feeling it.
  • She's way, way too into herself. 
  • But in her defense, it's gotta be tough to have to sell yourself in precious time, but not come off as conceited.
  • But still, I think she's probably conceited.
  • Awkward to watch. So uncomfortable.
  • I find myself wondering when these confessional interludes happen...before or after the breaking off. Surely she's not talking about how confident she is after he kicks her out.
  • ... and how he gets prompted to cue the breakup. Is there a cameraman in the background cuing him to get the ball rolling on wrapping up the night?
  • Whoa... you can see the emotion just wipe across her face. She wasn't expecting that.
  • Yeah... nothing about that dress says "wife material."
  • Britt with the berry lip! Megan with the Evian spray!
  • Carly looks awesome in her blush dress and statement necklace.
  • Really love Megan's dress (orrr the front of it anyway).
  • Yeah, pretty sure starting a conversation with a guy by saying "tell me what you got out of X conversation" isn't a great intro.
  • Her nails look awesome.
  • But sweet Lord, she's so drunk. Words slurring left and right.
  • Mackenzie totally wants to hear bad news from Kardashleyian.
  • I'm not the least bit surprised that this BFF posse trio is Megan, Mackenzie and Kardashleyian.
  • "Her mouth is not a virgin." Hahahahahaha.
  • Becca is a virgin too! Get it, girl!
  • Now Kardashleyian is totally miffed that she doesn't have the edge.
  •  Britt--sister, why are you doing the double dangle earring thing? WEIRD.
  • Season after season, I can't ever understand why women ever confront the dude about "where things stand." A check-in is one thing, but the pushing them in a corner is a little ridiculous... he is not JUST your boyfriend. Don't make him justify his choices when there are 10 other women inside. If you're going to pull this, do it when there are a couple of you remaining.
  • "You ready for another rose ceremony?" - Chris Harrison, with yet another poignant one-liner. 
  • Here we go!
  • Oh man... Britt is safe.
  • I feel bad for Juelia, but it's obvious he has stronger chemistry with many other girls.
  • Look how creepily Ashley is looking at him. She's totally going to murder him.
  • I love Nikki's dress.
  • The producers must arrange the departure on some level... he clearly wanted to talk to Juelia, but what if Crazy Ashley had lingered? Do they subtly usher them out? How does all of this work?!
  • Ooooh, hot air balloons.
  • Santa Fe, eh? Is it just me, or have they really cut down the budget? Andi was an all-star globetrotter, but here, it's all about the American hot spots.
  • Whoaaaa, pornographic breathing Carly.
  • Kelsey!! You little minx!
  • Oh sweet Jesus. Pull yourself together.

And there you go. Another week, another two hours of my life gone. But yet, I can't quit you, Bachelor.

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