January 21, 2015

I'm fascinated with browser histories. Not that I go around creeping through peoples' phones (truly, I promise!), but I can't tell you how many times I've thought, "gah, if someone ever saw the things I search for, I'd lose any and all of my street cred." You can pore over all of the social media profiles and resumes one person can toss your way, but at the end of the day, the random bits of info expeditiously searched for on cell phones are just endlessly intriguing to me. To put it mildly, this post has been a long time coming.

And yes, I think phone searches are so much more potentially incriminating, because you always have your phone on you. Those crucial inquiries that take place in the palm of your hand, at any time of day--those are what will shed light on who you are.

That being said, here's what I have pulled up on my phone right now (no deletions!), and subsequent, attempted justification... judge away.
  • Search for "tree trunk ornaments." So we could slice off a bit to commemorate our first real tree!
  • The insanely awesome T-Swiz mash-up by local girl, Louisa Wendorff. You know... so I could listen to it for the 90 millionth time.
  • Search for "spirit animal." So I could be sure I used the term correctly in a text.
  • Patti Lupone on IMDB--ST and I saw her in American Horror Story last week (season 3 binge-watching session) and I pulled up her page to find the timing of her appearance in GIRLS versus American Horror Story. It's a wild life we lead.
  • A new recipe for baked kale chips (...they weren't great.)
  • Tracking info on my most recent J. Crew purchase (it's been a while since I cleared this cache!)
  • News article about a fight that broke out in the food court of our local mall. So I could read the details over dinner to friends... hard-hitting news and whatnot.
  • Warby Parker's annual report maker. Ever-so-cool, as WP tends to be.
  • Movie times--before our date Friday night.
  • Fudge recipe... was crazy nostalgic craving some fudge after all of the references in "We Were Liars." And thus looked up recipes and tortured myself for a solid 10 minutes before moving on to what was assuredly my next riveting task.
  • "Happeseat" car cover. Let's just say, I have a dearest friend who's working on a competitor product. We're doing her market research for her.
  • My literal, ridiculous search of "how long is tracy anderson workout." I was planning an evening, a few weeks back, and knew I had this little DVD tucked at home somewhere... clearly my commitment level is not terribly steadfast (also, DVD has two 30-minute workouts).
  • "How long are tamales good for?" My stepmom brought frozen tamales from Texas for Christmas, and they sat way too long in the fridge. Cue all the tears.
  • Lyrics to Jessie J's "Bang Bang." I make no apologies.
  • Recipe for crockpot beef stew. Legit.
  • Congress Clothing's crop of Baylor gear. No doubt searched for whilst watching the Cotton Bowl.
  • FabFitFun's subscription box reviews (relatedly: is Giuliana no longer their spokesperson?)
  • Search for "iphone speaker cardboard." I found a really nifty gadget for playing music, and then came up with a terrible search query to find it (and never found it).
  • Latte recipe.
  • Dog treat recipe.
  • Grammarist article on "rack vs. wrack." I always confuse this for some reason!!
  • Eater's map of Hottest Restaurants in Nashville right now.
  • GIRLS' facebook page--so I could confirm the exactness of one of many favorite Ray quotes ("why don't you place just one crumb of human compassion on this fat-free muffin of sociopathic attachment?"). Ray is my favorite.
  • The Varsity's menu... from our little rendezvous to Atlanta this week.
  • Shoshanna gifs. Because they're the funniest damn things ever.


  • Vinnie Louise and their adorable scarves and whatnot.
  • Wikipedia article on the succession of Disney movies... made for a great breakfast conversation with my team last week (do you know which movie came first?)
  • Lamon Luther -- the coolest furniture around. Swoon.
  • Image search for Art Briles. Obviously.
  • Search for "linkin park chester forearm." Gah, again... this is embarrassing. We ventured to the Linkin Park show this weekend (our friend Heidi is completely obsessed... we took one for the team). She reiterated, often and again, how Chester is her boyfriend and she's all about his forearm flame tats. So I had to look them up.
  • "translatw is everyone alive spanish." I'm not big on grammatical correctness when it comes to google searching. Also, this is directly related to the previous line--Heidi spoke lots and lots of Spanish on Saturday night... so with the previous evening's events so very fresh on my mind, I researched my conjugated verbs prior to adding this to our ongoing group text on Sunday morning.
  • Photo of Katy Perry's face superimposed over Paula Deen's. SAME PERSON.

So, fairly boring. Lots of food... some dog stuff sprinkled in there too. Shopping and TV. That pretty much sums me up... although the admission of witnessing Linkin Park is utterly mortifying.

Okay, your turn: what's the most incriminating thing in your search history?

1 comment

  1. I have googled Bang Bang lyrics.... more than once. They both mutter! I needed to KNOW!

    I am a BIG FAN of the private browser on desktop and I usually clear out phone searches pretty quickly. Pleading the fifth!


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