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Monday, January 19, 2015



Week 3! Already?? Here's your spoiler alert: the crazy hasn't subsided.

  • Uhhh, Jimmy Kimmel as a guest star? ABC is seriously reaching here... painfully desperate.
  • Oh great, teaser of a girl gagging. #gross
  • Happy to see more of Becca! Such a pretty girl.
  • Britt, you've gotta get it together. The kissing is going to happen.
  • The audio playover of the rooster crowing was all kinds of inauthentic.
  • Ha. Chris and his expletive-laced wake-up is hilarious.
  • His room is so very rustic industrial--like army barracks meets Legends of the Fall.
  • Nikki totally looks like Jordana Brewster.
  • Look at him, Chris Harrison is totally fan-girling over Kimmel.
  • Apparently Jordan and Britt are BFF. Wouldn't have predicted that one.
  • The "amazing" jar is kind of hilarious.
  • I love all the disingenuous, glazed-eye, "I'm soooo happy for you" looks at the date announcement.
  • Chris, button your shirt up.
  • COSTCO.
  • I love that she got so worked up over the date only to end up at everyone's fave wholesale grocery HQ.
  • This is actually a cute date. Totally shows how laidback she is.
  • But the crop top is a bit much.
  • They truly look really comfortable together.
  • "There aren't many girls who could handle this date with class." -- Chris. Uhh, you're not exactly doing anything morally crazy... pretty sure anyone would've put on a good face for the chance to keep on cruising through this insane process.
  • Oh yeah, kiss her. That wasn't predictable.
  • I wonder how much they had to persuade those kids to push them around in that inflatable ball.
  • Montreal Steak Seasoning? Wow. So creme de la creme.
  • Okay, I'm smiling. The smearing of the lipstick thing is kinda cute.
  • Cue Kimmel playing third wheel.
  • His banter is actually making it a little better.
  • Gah, uncomfortable commentary about how many girls he'll sleep with.
  • Chris's laugh is a bit grating, right?
  • "Let's have a threesome, guys." Hahaha... Kimmel with the classy commentary.
  • The scrilla is racking up in that jar. Find another adjective, guys!
  • Carly--let those brows grow in, doll. Trust me on this one.
  • Becca is so, so pretty.
  • Direct message to Ashley S.: go home.
  • Geez, lots of chicks on this date.
  • Hahahahaha, I love Kimmel interrupting him. "You sonofabitch!" Hilarious.
  • That gray spandex skirt number is very questionable.
  • "Are there people on the farm?" LOLOL.
  • "She's got some depth to her." ...timed as she's climbing into the hot tub. K.
  • Kimmel eating wings in the hot tub whilst they make out. Couldn't be weirder.
  • WHOA who is in that white dress? Cover up. (edited to add: it was Jillian. Shocker, right?)
  • "Why are you kissing everyone else?" - Mackenzie. Uhhhh, girl. Think this one through.
  • "If that's my competition, I have to do some pushups... throw on some child-sized shorts." - Becca. HAHAHA. You know it, girl.
  • That corn looks really good.
  • I love the city girl who is completely petrified to be engaging in this sort of rural activity... is it Nikki? 
  • Gah, who the hell thought of this challenge?
  • Jillian is a little too excited about all of this. You know she's freaking out about the prospect of a physical competition.
  • And there you ago, a flexed shot of her showing as much.
  • I would lose my mind if I had to frolic among chickens. Birds freak me out.
  • "That's what their mooing at is her ass." Yes.
  • Uhhhh, Carly, that hand motion. National television. Stop that.
  • DAMN, CARLY. Badass!
  • I would totally vom.
  • I'm gagging right now.
  • I hope Carly kicks Jillian's ass. That tiny cute little blonde outdoing the beast of a girl.
  • Oh come on, get the rope untied, ditz.
  • YAYYYYY. Carly!
  • For winning, you get a brow pencil!!
  • Jillian is soooo pissed.
  • Stop apologizing, Carly. YOU DO YOU.
  • "I know that I'm girly and sweet...but you are a man and I am a woman..." - Carly. All odd things to say. Don't do you that way.
  • "She went in there and got herself a kiss." - Chris. Dude, you aren't a third-person color commentator on your own life.
  • He couldn't be less jazzed to be dancing with her right now.
  • Oh, but throw some making out into the equation and he's totally on board.
  • "If it's a moment and it feels right?" Really, Chris? You're kissing alllll of 'em.
  • Mackenzie, stop talking. Have you ever seen this show?
  • Whoa, that face is terrible. And you're on a reality show, sister. Grow up.
  • Jordan and Britt might hook up at this point. They're really close...
  • I feel like Becca is so grounded.
  • But in all Bachelor predictability, I don't feel like she'll "win his heart"... but she might be a great Bachelorette.
  • Oh... no kissing. Way to slow it down, sister.
  • Oooooh, suspense. "I need to earn it!" - Chris. But not with anyone else?
  • Good for her for sticking to her guns. I'm sure it's tough in that environment to not get caught up.
  • Kaitlin. ABS.
  • Kardashleyian with Kim Crying Face!
  • That vest is terrible (and suddenly Regina George is in my head: "...because that vest was disgusting!")
  • She's such a cute girl... still struggling to get over that voice.
  • Hahahaha, YOLO.
  • I wonder if they really had the idea to crash it, or if it was subtly suggested...
  • (I ate dinner in this 15ish minutes and subsequently missed the wedding crashing scene. My guess is, I didn't miss anything super pivotal.)
  • And I return to Juelia describing her husband's suicide. Heavy.
  • ...buuuut, this venting to him doesn't seem very retrospective--it sort of feels too fresh, right? I can't imagine such a loss, but maybe she's not ready to move on just yet.
  • The lash extensions are out. of. control.
  • Jade is cute. I like her swimsuit (but not the kimono).
  • PUT YOUR ASS AWAY, JILLIAN.
  • "Testing the bed." giggles! =  so tacky.
  • Weird stripper heels.
  • Ewww, this music.
  • Meanwhile, Jills just being Jills in the hot tub.
  • Uhhh... the weird nude lining of her swimsuit top looks awful on screen.
  • "We're not interrupting, we're just joining. Is that okay??" Look at her face. It's not okay.
  • How many random cameras must be tucked around the compound?
  • The baby doll dress Mackenzie is wearing is all kinds of wrong.
  • Gah, she looks so painfully uncomfortable just eeeeasing into that hot tub.
  • How weird for them all to just sneak into the tub.
  • Kardashleyian--the Cleopatra head chain thing is beyond weird.
  • "I don't know, like, I just like, I just feel like..." - Kardashleyian, amidst the tears. 
  • "It would be ridiculous if Jillian was the one." Hahahaha, we agree on that one, kid.
  • Don't bitch at him about other girls. First rule of thumb. 
  • And definitely don't cry about it. Kim Crying face again.
  • She legit has a swimsuit model's bod though.
  • Maybe it's the editing but I don't know how much I'm feeling Kelsey. She always kind of has a judgy sneer on her face.
  • Is Britt wearing a tube top for the rose ceremony?
  • She's always rocking that glitter eyeshadow, ain't she?
  • Preeeetty sure Trina is heading home.
  • Ughhhh, Ashley S. Really? Love that Kardashleyian's exaggerated eyeroll isn't at all concealed.
  • Aaaand another one. What a B. Be grateful... entitlement won't get you anywhere, dear.
  • Not tremendously surprised about who he's sending home.
  • Oooooh, two virgins?!
  • Heating up! So many tears!

What were your highlights from this week?


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