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Tuesday, February 10, 2015



http://entertainthis.usatoday.com/2015/02/09/bachelor-wk-6-recap-kelsey-ashley-chris/
  • "There is something in the air. Bitches be crazy." - Kaitlyn. And this is is how we start off week 6, ladies!
  • Almost forgot about Kelsey's meltdown. Beyond theatrical. Look how perfectly angled her legs are. What a fortuitous "fall!"
  • I am loving how everyone is just frozen, eyes narrowed, watching this go down.
  • "Tell me about the brownies." - EMT. "I think they lied, I think they're store-bought." Yep--seems like a full-fledged panic attack.
  • Kelsey wants to talk to Chris. Of course she does.
  • Lolololol all of the feigned, "Oh my goshhh, what haaaappened?" when she returns. Right.
  • Yeah, Whitney--spot-on. Not how a panic attack happens.
  • "What if she's lying about the husband thing?" - Kardashleyian. LOLOLOL.
  • I love how everyone is saying "Chris won't give her a rose just because of this." Because clearly, she's getting a rose. 
  • Ohhhh, Carly. Get it girl. "You're lucky you talked to him, I guess." Snide and snippy, just what Bachelor dreams are made of!
  • All this BS isn't just manipulative editing on ABC's part. Come on.
  • Oooh, Jade in a crop top for the rose ceremony. Bold move.
  • I'm kinda tired of Megan. How is she still here?
  • I wonder if they all do their own hair, or if there's a team on hand.
  • Kardasheylian lives another day!
  • I bet it would be incredibly infuriating if Kelsey gets the rose and you're the homegirl who doesn't... even though Samantha has had minimal face time and Mackenzie is an infant.
  • Dude, who is convulsing in the background???
  • Mackenzie, you're 21. You'll get over it, baby.
  • UGHHHHH, gross. I knew he'd do it though.
  • But did HE want to, or did ABC make him?
  • Gah, so many questions!!!
  • "I wanted to just punch her in the teethholder." - Kaitlyn. HAHAHAHAHA, I like her more and more and more.
  • Gah, why is Britt always hanging on someone. That bothers me to no end.
  • And Kardashleyian is hanging all over Kelsey too. Odd, given your profusely voiced hatred and all.
  • Oh gosh. Not Jade versus Whitney.
  • South Dakota, hmm? K.
  • All of his wild west photos are hysterical.
  • "I'm with eight wonderful, charming women! ...and Kelsey will be there also." - Carly. LOL.
  • Yayyy, Becca for the win!
  • Britt's face is priceless.
  • She is a ridiculous person. For all intents and purposes, this IS a game show.
  • Becca looks gorgeous. What a beauty.
  • I would most certainly not love horseback riding.
  • But hey! Love that camera affixed to the horn on the saddle.
  • And there's a cameraman slowly sauntering his way up the hill behind 'em!
  • Carly, we all know Kelsey is evil... ya gotta move on. When you start the whining about it, you end up getting the boot. We all know this.
  • And does Kelsey think they're all buddy buddy? I wish someone would blow this thing up already.
  • Gahhh, so manipulative. Everything she says. 
  • Yeah, stop using the widow card. And she's totally defending every little thing. But good for them for approaching her.
  • I like Becca and Chris together. 
  • And his laugh is funny.
  • "I think this is the most fun and easy date I've been on." Chris. JACKPOT.
  • Ugh. The "five year plan" question. Yawn. Pertinent information, yes, but ask in a different way.
  • Four to six kids... Damn, man. (But cute.)
  • In all seriousness, all the past relationship woes of each "contestant" are probably the most genuine thing about this show. It really brings to light how much people go through in this day and age, before they find a mate. K, no more serious talk.
  • Uh ohhhhhh. TWO-ON-ONE. Who will it be?!
  • Not digging the hat, Whit.
  • Megan is DRUNK.
  • So... two-on-one will be Kardashleyian and Kelsey. Here we go.
  • "If he kisses me, my dad will see!" - Becca. She is the cutest, I adore her.
  • Well, I know it sucks, but she's not here to take your feelings into consideration, Whitney.
  • Ooooh... Big 'N' Rich. :/
  • Hahaha, super cute that he's running off with Jade to shake her nerves. 
  • Yeahhhh, that's gotta be painful to watch. Go sit down, Britt. Enough kissing on your group date.
  • Cute that Chris--in all of his tone-deafness--can cut loose enough and be so silly. Means a lot when a dude doesn't take himself too seriously.
  • Yeahhh, I would HATE this challenge.
  • DYING AT KAITLYN'S SONG. OMG. My initial impression of her wasn't great (probably because of the arm tats), but I really, really like her. #darkhorse
  • GET IT, CARLY. She's not my #1, or even my #2, but her song was crazy sweet and endearing.
  • Hahahaha, all the girls clapping uncomfortably, because they know she nailed it.
  • Kelsey has no idea what the hell she's talking about with "omgah, I love the Badlands!"
  • All of these confessional conversations are so much foreshadowing.
  • Crying in a bathroom!! The good stuff!
  • I think his strongest connections are with Britt and Becca. And Kaitlyn too.
  • Megan looks drunk again.
  • Weird that they ran off for this little rose exchange. Talk about alienating everyone else.
  • Ohhhh, gosh.
  • "I'll let you girls have the rest of the evening to yourselves." Code for: I'm getting out of this mess, as soon as I freaking can.
  • Cue the cat fight. Makes me sadder that Kaitlyn is crying now.
  • All of this Kardashleyian pre-rejoicing is total foreshadowing. 
  • "I've got an amazing date planned." - You didn't plan this, hombre. The jig is up.
  • Love how Kelsey is rattling off the president's names at Rushmore... like, wow. Show off those third-grade geography skills, champ.
  • What an awkward bed set-up in the middle of these dusty mountains. But hey, add some yellow pennant flags--dress it up a bit. NAILED IT.
  • Generously poured wine.
  • How painfully awkward. 
  • Whoa... I start typing and look back up and realize they're making out... no real segue. Alright then.
  • Uh oh, girl... don't complain about her. Don't do it. Bros don't dig it.
  • Ha, love that he's slamming back the hard liquor now. No more pinot for the farmer!
  • Gah, she's super manipulative. Playing those cards like a champ. "I've been a wife, so you just need to decide if I'm the type of wife you want."
  • Oh gosh, don't rat Ashley out. That's not right.
  • "This is a game to her." Uhhhh, it's a game for you too, dollface. Play back alllll of your commentary.
  • I am crazy uncomfortable.
  • "You think I'm not as smart as you because I don't use big words?" OHHH, DAMN. GET IT, ASHLEY.  "We both have our master's, but I have it from a good place." HAHAHAHAHA. I freaking love this!!!
  • Oh gosh, this isn't going to end well. 
  • No ugly crying, Kim. No ugly crying, Kim. No ugly crying. 
  • This is ridiculously hard... because no way Kardashleyian and her hair and makeup crew fit in in Iowa (neither does Britt), but how awful is it that Kelsey is who prevailed on this date? It's gotta be eye-opening for the other girls to see Kelsey is the one who returns to the house. Gross.
  • Ughhhhh... and Kelsey sees her walking up and has that look of smug satisfaction on her face. The absolute worst.
  • Regardless... her nasally national TV meltdown is utterly painful to watch.
  • Maybe he'll send Kelsey home too?!! Here's hoping...
  • Where'd that lone tear come from?
  • YES! HE'S GOING TO SEND HER HOME!
  • Okay, this is a decent outcome. Way to be honest, Chris.
  • Gah, that's a little overly dramatic... firing up the chopper as they're both still sitting in the desert.
  • Hahahahahahahahaha, LOVE that party happening in the room!!!! "Chris is so smart!"
  • "Let's get drunk!!!!" - Kaitlyn. Omg, I am loving this.
  • I can't help but think the helicopter is about to explode. Does Kelsey have a cell phone in her hand? Anyone see?
  • Okay, I'm a little more excited about the show outcome now... seems like the crazies are gone.
  • This was the biggest deal all season--who can truly live in Iowa?
  • SO MANY BRITT TEARS! 
  • Jade's secret comes out!! (I saw that referenced in an article a week or so back).
  • Oooh, the tell-all should be interesting.
  • Ewww, don't bring Kelsey back. She's beyond terrible.

I think his top four are still: Whitney, Becca, Jade, Britt. My favorites are Becca and Kaitlyn at this point. I don't think Britt and her hair extensions could make it in Iowa, and I don't see Kaitlin's wild spirit there either. I think his connection with Whitney is safe, Becca is too good for him, and Jade is sweet, but too guarded. I think Britt or Kaitlyn would both make awesome Bachelorettes.

And now you know.
 
So, tell me you're still watching. Who do you think will end up with Chis?? Who would you pick to be the next Bachelorette?

1 comment:

  1. Your commentary is hilarious! I think Becca would be a great fit for Chris and so would Whitney or Carly in different ways. I think Carly or Britt would be good Bachelorettes. I'm excited to see how it all plays out!

    ReplyDelete

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